Bump Watch

I have to admit, I am an adorable pregnant woman. Problem is, I'm not pregnant, I just look it.

I stood naked in front of my mirror for twenty minutes yesterday in pure wonderment. I know there's no baby in there, but the rotund sack protruding out of me may cause some to believe otherwise. What scares me is that, if I don't get rid of this appendage soon, what will I look like when I'm actually pregnant?!?!

Needless to say, in the past five months, I have made little to no progress in terms of weight loss. In fact, I've managed to do the exact opposite of what I set out to do. I now work out less and eat more than I ever have.

The first year of marriage has definitely proved to be challenging in the way of finding enough hours in the day. It doesn't help that I live 60 kilometres away from where I work, so I'm more or less losing two and a half hours a day strictly on commuting. By the time I get home, it's almost 7:00 and I'm pooped. If my husband is working a late shift, and I have to prepare dinner, it means I'm cooking something simple, which usually translates to fattening, and I'm not eating until 8:00 (at least). The rest of the night is spent lounging on the couch in front of the TV because, let's face it, at this point the last thing I want to do is haul my ass to the gym.

I know these are all excuses. I know that if I really, really wanted to, I could find the time. I also know that life isn't going to get any easier. Next will be babies, and with that, a million more excuses.

I just had a vision, and in it was a gunt. I need to do something about this fast!

Gluttony. That's All.

My friend Christine and I have a bad habit of msn-ing each other all day long complaining about our bodies. We just finished having a conversation about our least favourite body parts. Mine = Stomach. Hers = Ass. I said my stomach looks like dough, and she says her ass looks like cheese, which made a light bulb go off in my head. Maybe after a while, our body parts start resembling our greatest food weaknesses. I love bread with all my heart. I believe Christine feels the same way about cheese. I'm pretty sure I'm onto something.

Anyway...this past weekend I went on a camping trip with a bunch of friends. I think it just goes without saying that weekends away in the summer are not a good combo for me. It's like my conscience goes on a break as well. Can't believe I'm about to do this, but here goes the list of what I consumed this weekend:

Friday Night:
Asian chicken bites and fries from Wendy's with a diet coke
3 handfuls of chips by the fire
1 hot dog (because who doesn't want a hot dog cooked on the fire?)
2 handfuls of corn nuts
3 Bud Light Limes
*Gulp! Good thing we got rained out by 11:30!

Saturday:
1 tea with 1 1/2 sugar (shoulda brought some splenda with me)
1 whole wheat bagel with cream cheese
2 glasses of "mango madness" (vodka, Seven Up! mango juice)
*And this was all before noon.

Saturday Cont'd:
Half a turkey sand which
1 handful of corn nuts
1 ice cream on a waffle cone (because who doesn't want an ice cream at the beach?)
3 (individual) fries with gravy
2 handfuls of sunflower seeds
3 handfuls of sour cream and onion rings
1 hamburger with cheese
1 1/2 helpings of macaroni salad
3 wine spritzers
more sour cream and onion rings
more corn nuts
2 marshmallows (because who doesn't want marshmallows cooked on the fire?)
Pretty sure there were a few handfuls of cheerio mix somewhere in the night as well
Total of 5 Bud Light Limes
*AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Sunday:
1 tea with 1 1/2 sugar
1 whole wheat bagel with cream cheese (don't even know if it was low fat - does it really matter at this point though?)
1 chicken nugget HappyMeal with diet coke
4 crackers when I got home
1 piece of boneless chicken breast
1 helping of potatoes
Pretty much half a loaf of bread
2 glasses of wine
3 handfuls of popcorn

OH.MY.GOD. I eat like a line backer!

And note to self Taryn: Doesn't look like the bread alone is causing your stomach to resemble dough.

This.Must.Stop.

Anything You Can Do...

There's nothing like a little friendly competition to propel me towards my goals!

I went away for a few days last week and came back to discover that another one of my very good friends has started a blog as well. Love that this trend is catching on, and love, love that it might translate to a little more motivation ;)

So back to my friend's blog: http://couchto25k.blogspot.com/. She's been at it for less than a week and she's already doing better than I have in over two months! Not to be outdone, this only means it's time to step up my game! In order to do that I should probably start by cleansing my body of all that I gorged on while on my little mini-break. If there was a competition on how much bread and cheese one could consume in 2 days, I'd be in the running! And that's not all, I actually got to the point where the thought of another french fry made me want to dry heave. How many french fries do you have to eat to get to that point? Answer: A LOT!

Yesterday I made a big bowl of Quinoa salad to pack for lunch this week. I figure I can get at least three servings out of one batch, which saves me the trouble of deciding what to bring for lunch for a few days. Quinoa is low in calories and very good for you. Hooray! Competition's on!

To be honest, there's really no competition at all. My wee friend has been little in both height and weight since I've known her. She might have gone from a size 2 to a 4 (unlikely) since she got married, but she'll be back on track in no time and, of course, I'll be behind her all the way (both in a supportive way and likely physically lagging waaay behind).

Dum Dum Da-Dum

Where have I been you ask? Well I guess you could say I was in hiding. Hiding from my shame. I could re-hash all the ways in which I wronged my body, but instead I choose to look forward. I will not dwell on the donut, pizza and cake I consumed in one day, nor will I think about the twice eaten butter drenched baked brie from last week. I've already forgotten about the two trips to MacDonald's and the night I treated myself to chicken fingers and fries is but a distant memory.

OMG GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE???

Somebody please stop me! Summer is now officially here and I have done nothing to rid the extra 10 lbs I gained over the year. I made a couple laughable attempts to go to the gym, but found that staying at home and watching the first season of True Blood was far more entertaining. I had a three day streak of eating well, and then succumbed to the temptation of pretty much everything my heart desired.

Hopefully the pending nuptials of my best friend will help crack the whip. Knowing I will be walking down the isle as a bridesmaid should be the kick in the ass I need to start taking this weight loss seriously again....I hope.

Craving the Forbidden Fruit

It's been a month since I last ate McDonald's. You may remember the incident when the drive-thru girl hit on me by adding another patty to my Quarter Pounder. Okay, I'm sure it was an innocent coincidence, but it was a little suspicious.

So my friend Justyna from sentinforrepair decided to document the not-so-healthy meals that she's been treating herself to in an attempt to not hide from the "grossness she's been putting into her body"(or something like that). I think it's a brilliant idea from a very creative mind. Unfortunately, all it's done for me is make me crave a Cheeseburger Happymeal. For days!

I'm a very hungry girl right now. I went through some pictures recently, which ranged from just before my wedding in September, to December. This catapulted my desire to get thin, so I've really been trying to crack down over the last couple of days. I've had some minor slip-ups here and there (like last night, after 3 tacos somehow didn't satisfy me, I ended up eating the left over cheese out of the bowl with a spoon) but for the most part I've been doing pretty well. It actually seems ridiculous considering it's only been three days, but weight loss is a minute by minute, hour by hour struggle.

As I've said before, the battle is only within. I can do this, but I have to fight with myself all day long. If I applied the same negotiation tactics I use on myself, to my job every day, I'd be incredibly successful.

Today I'm only consuming enough points for the day that will allow me to give into my craving for a Cheeseburger Happymeal tonight. The sad truth is that I will still be hungry after.

Another Weakend (Get it?)

Number of days since my last treat from Tim Hortons: 7 (at least)
Number of days since my last pound of chicken wings: 2
Number of days since my last pound of chicken wings before that: 1

2 pounds of chicken wings in 2 days! And I haven't even admitted to the fries that accompanied the wings! Or the booze! This is why I'm overweight!

Why? I can ask myself this simple question over and over. I can beat myself up about it over and over, but I'm still incapable of finding my willpower OVER AND OVER! I'm so good during the week. I limit my calories throughout the day, I take note of the number of Weight Watchers points I'm accumulating, I eat properly, there have even been a few nights that I've gone to bed hungry. It all becomes a wasted attempt once the weekend hits.

The problem is that I like to go out with friends and I like to be able to eat what they eat, because otherwise, I'll sit there salivating over their meals throughout dinner and, let's be honest, it kind of makes for an uncomfortable evening. Little side note: A couple of years ago I had gone to a mall food court on my lunch break with a friend from work. You know when you have too many options to choose from you almost always make the wrong choice and end up regretting it throughout your whole meal? Well this was the case for me that day. I had a boring sub, and she had some yummy, greasy Chinese food. I literally could not take my eyes off her plate the whole time we were there. I guess my mouth was watering excessively, so when I opened it to tell her her how great her lunch looked, I spit right.in.her.food! I apologized emphatically, and she laughed and said, "If you really wanted some you could have just asked!". I was mortified! Although, if you know me, you're aware of my issues with bodily fluids, and you'll also know that this ranks low on the list of mortifying moments involving said bodily fluids.

Sorry, I digress (I've always wanted to say that!).

So these are the situations I try to avoid when out for a bite to eat with friends. It's a lame excuse, I know. Willpower is all about overcoming the urge. I'm working on it, but in the meantime my only other option is to become a hermit or just steer clear of any outings that involve food. This makes me sad. Hand me a cookie.

The Devil Made Me Do It

What does it say about me that whenever I see the little icon above I think it's a cupcake or an ice cream cone. This is not a joke, I see that icon every time I log in to create a new blog entry - it's a cellular phone, btw, but I'm sure that's evident to everyone but me - and my first instinct is aways, mmmm...cupcake! This is why I'm overweight!

There's a Tim Horton's in my office building that I visit at least once a day for my morning tea. Most days I can hold off on the delicious muffins, donuts, or bagels, but sometimes, when the thought of one more Nutrigrain Bar turns my stomach, I can convince myself that a treat from Timmy's won't be the end of the world.

After my wedding, I may have gone a little overboard on the whole grain raspberry muffins that I had deprived myself of for so many months. Something about the words "whole grain" automatically translates to "OK to eat" in my mind. So today I requested a nutritional guide from Tim Hortons in hopes that if I keep it at my desk, every time I craved an afternoon donut or cookie, I would just look at the guide and remind myself that it's not worth the calories. Well, I discovered that a donut or cookie is the least of my concerns. That "OK to eat" whole grain raspberry muffin that I've allowed myself to eat approximately once a week since September 28th, 2008 is 400 calories and 17 GRAMS OF FAT! Umm, that's a quarter pounder from McDonald's!

Now, let's get something straight, I in no way thought that a muffin was a healthy choice. I've admitted many times that I caved for a muffin and was aware of how bad that was. I've declared that muffins equal muffin tops, but I never realized I was eating a quarter pounder for breakfast. I feel naive and a little humiliated...also, a little sick to my stomach.

On the bright side, I am now spreading the word (to the four people who read this blog) that muffins are very bad, but whole grain raspberry - or blueberry - muffins from Tim Hortons are baked in Satan's oven.

P.S. I won't judge you if you eat them...they're SO GOOD!